Top 5 Funniest P&P Profiles

Much like dating in the real world, online dating has its fair share of weirdos. Unusual or bizarre user profiles are fairly common, especially on niche sites for specific interests such as pandas or purple hair. But among the sea of strange and unusual user profiles, there are some that stand out above the rest as being particularly funny. Here we’ve listed what we think are the top 5 funniest P&P profiles that we’ve come across while browsing Plenty of Pandas profiles. To be clear, this article is not meant to mock anyone who uses these sites to find love — rather it’s intended to be light-hearted and humorous so you can have a few laughs after a long day at work or school. We can’t stress enough that if you do use any of these sites, please don’t take offense and know that it is all meant in good fun.

A little evening PDA goes a long way

This one may seem a bit strange at first, but after reading the entire profile, it makes total sense. This user’s profile reads almost like a poem — and a very cheesy one at that. It all starts with a little bit of PDA that “shouldn’t be limited just to special occasions.” We’re not sure if this is supposed to be romantic or simply creepy, but we’ll assume it’s the former. Next, they talk about the “finer things in life,” and how they’re “not just materialistic, but they’re something you feel.”

Like the PDA, we’re not sure what they mean by this. But, we assume that it means they like to sit around and feel things. The next section is titled “Hobbies and things I like,” and here they talk about how they like “relaxing in the park,” “lazing on the beach,” “spending time with the kids,” and “anything to do with water.” Again, we’re not sure what any of this means, but we do know that it sounds very creepy. And, as if that weren’t enough, they finish with a section titled “A Little Something About Me,” where they talk about “keeping an open mind,” “being aware of what happens around you,” and “accepting change and moving forward.” Again, we’re not sure what any of this means, but we do know that it sounds very strange.

The perfect Partner-in-Panda-ing

This user’s profile reads very strangely. We’re not sure whether they’re a troll, or they really are this serious about pandas. We’ll assume it’s the latter, but we may be wrong. In the first section, they talk about how pandas are “mostly solitary creatures” that don’t like to be around other pandas — and how this trait makes them “highly adaptable to almost any environment.” This is followed by a few paragraphs about how pandas are specialists, not generalists. Next, they talk about how pandas are “locomotive,” which we assume means they’re good at moving. We really don’t know what they mean by this. Next, they talk about how pandas “prefer bamboo” to other foods — and that they “should be given this food at least twice a day.” So, they literally want a partner who likes bamboo and bamboo alone. They finish by talking about how pandas are “ready to mate” between February and May every year. We don’t know what any of this has to do with finding a mate.

Warning: May drool on you

This user’s profile reads like it was written by a 10-year-old. In the first section, they talk about how pandas “eat bamboo” and “like to climb trees,” which we already knew. Next, they talk about how pandas “live in China,” and how it’s “too hot in the summer” — and too cold in the winter — “so they stay in a cave.” We don’t really see how any of this has anything to do with dating. Next, they talk about how pandas “have black and white fur,” and how “they are endangered.” Again, we don’t see how any of this has anything to do with dating or finding a mate. And finally, they finish by talking about how pandas have “big black eyes” and “they like to eat bamboo.” Again, we already knew this.

You’ve been warned

This user’s profile reads like a bad skit on a children’s show. In the first section, they talk about how pandas are “very slow” and “lazy,” and how “they like to eat bamboo.” Next, they talk about how pandas are “not very good swimmers,” and how “they have black and white fur.” Next, they talk about how pandas are “nocturnal,” and how “they have strong teeth.” Finally, they finish by talking about how pandas “are in danger of becoming extinct.” So, they literally want a partner who is slow, lazy, not very good at swimming, has strong teeth, is nocturnal, and is in danger of becoming extinct — all because pandas are their favorite animal.

Panda lover looking for the human companion

This user’s profile reads very strangely. In the first section, they talk about how pandas are “nocturnal,” and how “in the wild they may stay awake for up to two days at a time.” Next, they talk about how pandas “eat bamboo,” and how “it makes up 96% of their diet.” Again, we already knew this. They finish by talking about how pandas “have black and white fur,” and how “they have a black and white tail.” And, again, we already knew this. They finish by talking about how pandas have “strong teeth” and “are in danger of becoming extinct.” So, they literally want a partner who is nocturnal, eats bamboo, has black and white fur, has a black and white tail, and has strong teeth — all because pandas are their favorite animal.

Panda Lover, Artist, and Poet

This user’s profile reads like a bad high school poetry assignment. In the first section, they talk about how pandas are “mostly solitary creatures” that don’t like to be around other pandas — and how this trait makes them “highly adaptable to almost any environment.” Next, they talk about how pandas are “locomotives,” and how they “prefer bamboo” over other foods. Next, they talk about how pandas “are in danger of becoming extinct.” Finally, they finish by talking about how pandas “are a symbol of peace.” And that’s it. They literally want a partner who is solitary, locomotive, prefers bamboo, is in danger of becoming extinct, and is a symbol of peace because pandas are their favorite animal.

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